Immortals (Movie Review)

An evil King leads an army across the land on a quest to retrieve an ancient weapon and awaken an evil power that will destroy the world. It falls to a man named Theseus, battle trained by Zeus himself, to lead the forces of good and fight for humanity's survival.

"The producers of '300'" were heavily marketed as being behind this flick, and between that, the cool slow-mo action trailers and the plot description, you're probably thinking this movie sounds like the stuff the best brutal, fantasy action flicks are made of, right? Unfortunately, this one was mostly knock-off style with little depth or substance.

Director Tarsem Singh is best known for his trippy visual style, as showcased in movies like "The Cell". And he brings those sensibilities to "Immortals" as well, though I'm not sure they're always the best fit.

There is a lot of green screen going on here, but it didn't bother me too much. I even got used to every shot obviously looking like it was created on a sound stage somewhere. (All the big "epic" shots of armies and such were CGI filler.) So I didn't suffer from much visual claustrophobia.
But the costumes and sets jumped back and forth between fantastic and cheap.

The gods are played by what look like hairless male models wearing just a hint of lipstick, dressed up in golden plastic clothes and armor that look ornate and mythological. But the end result looks less powerful and majestic and more like a strange fantasy-themed perfume commercial, only without the wind-blown bedsheets in the background. One set in particular looked like little more than white cardboard walls, spotlessly untouched by human hands.
The bronze breastplates worn by many look fine, until late in the movie when Theseus takes his off and it bends and wobbles like plastic in the process.

Speaking of artificial, these were some of the most two-dimensional characters I've seen on screen in awhile. There were plenty of theoretical reasons for me to care about them. We saw loved ones getting killed, fathers having to punish their sons and love bubbling to the surface amidst terrible circumstances. But none of the characters were invested in enough for me to care.

Killing someone's mother won't feel very jarring to movie watchers if we don't see before hand the relationships she had with her children. The pain of a father having to punish his son won't come across unless we see first how much he loves his son. And why should we believe that a complete stranger could infuse soldiers with sudden courage who had never met him before and had no reason to believe he could lead them in battle? The script tried to take advantage of numerous emotional beats that it just plain hadn't earned in advance. I couldn't have cared any less how this movie ended.

What it did have going for it, in addition to some striking visual designs, were some cool, brutal, slow motion action sequences. Despite being ripped straight from 300 and some of your favorite video games, they were still fun to watch and make me wish I could have stopped the movie a few times to go back and watch them again. Very cool looking stuff.

Given the polytheistic setting and the theme of belief vs. unbelief present in the movie, there are several jumping off points for worthwhile discussion after seeing this movie. In fact, one of the exercises that kept me interested in the experience of watching came from making quick comparisons between the gods of this flick and the God of the Bible.

The gods may or may not choose to "have faith in" humanity. God doesn't "have faith" in anything or anyone, because faith only exists in someone who does not have complete, objective knowledge of all things.

The gods, even in their "divine forms", can be injured or even killed. God is completely unchanging and unchangeable.

In one scene near the end, Zeus even looks up into the light above him before making a major decision. A gesture that implies he is looking for guidance or some kind of reaction from a power above him. God has no beginning, nor is he the effect of some cause before him. There is no source or standard of power, knowledge or goodness greater than him and therefore no reason for him to ever seek council or approval.

It was an interesting little mental activity, but one resulting from a lack of interest in the movie, not a desire to talk about the themes it developed or thoughts it provoked. The movie was neither thematically interesting or thought-provoking. Only those bent toward "getting philosophical" are likely to have any meaningful discussion as a result of seeing this flick.

Fans of brutal fantasy will likely want to check this one out, and I wouldn't advise them not to. But I'd wait and rent this one. It wasn't worth the five bucks I paid.

Rated R for sequences of strong bloody violence, and a scene of sexuality.

Quality: 7.5/10

Relevance: 7.0/10